Being bullied as a physiothearapist

Today the question I discussed with my sister:

Did I get bullied by my patients and why I didn't feel it?
Priya didn't come today, so I was seeing some of her patients. Anyways within the first few days of my work as SSL, everyone has been quite "worried" for me... oh look at her she is going to be bullied by patients.

So today I was seeing patients, of course some patients are more anxious, lazy, full of excuses.... etc. But in my mind, if you don't want to do exercise, it's your loss, I actually didn't feel bullied at all. (I felt more bullied if my colleagues keep saying that I will get bullied)

But is it my responsibility to be firm with them (if being very loud or threatening or constant bugging is considered firm in here) so that they are sure to be doing ENOUGH amount of exercise they are entitled to? Sometimes people just need to be pushed.... so YES.

It's not about me being bullied, is letting them to help me help them. Got my job done.
YES. I should treat them like a kid. Our relationship is not teacher to kid. It's adult to adult. I don't think they didn't respect me... I think they are just trying to talk their way out. But this means I am allowing them to be unnecessarily dependent and non-compliant.

I am also judgmental to think that why do they have patients that has come for years? I am simply new to this concept, because in my training we are always aiming for a discharge. And we don't see them as often. If they can do certain things at home, why do they still need us?
But then, SSL patients, maybe because it is cheap, they don't mind coming here every week, to get some exercise, or just some social time? A lot of patients won't do exercise at home so their family want them to come here to do some exercise. So maybe they put their hope on health professionals to be firm with them. To make them do things that they won't do at home.
So I am seeing that I need to see what is the patient's goal. Is it to progress fast? Or just maintain? Or more for socialising? If the condition has been the same for a long time, is it ok to be more lenient sometimes, skip a few rounds or repetitions? Is it better to build patient rapport first before pushing them hard?
I also felt that I have a tendency to feel bad for giving my patients exercise and I felt like I need to give discount. I need to change this habit. I need to try to stick to at least their current numbers of reps to maintain it.
I also need to find the balance between being respectful, nice and being firm and clear.

1.5 years in

I like myself when I first arrived in Glasgow. I like the posts that I wrote, I can't believe I wrote it even.

Now... now I am just missing the feeling of a home. I am missing Fabio.
And I don't see a clear picture in front of me. What's after graduation?
I am suspended in a constant rush for datelines and constant judgement to do better, being afraid that no one will ever hire me after I graduate...
It always feel so stress to get through placements now.
I have been through a lot, definitely. I embrace the unfamiliarity. I traveled. I pissed people off. I got pissed off. I freaked out during assessments. I failed a paper. What's the matter?
I spent my weekends with someone. I swam in bikinis. I made pizza.
Just no one to give the affirmation and praise.
And I forgot how much we have done, we have learnt.
And it all feels like I am still stuck at ground zero, that my life have to start from scratch.
And I deny myself of all the life I had before and all the experience I have
And I forgot the conviction I have... about changing my life.
The feeling of home in Lugo, just by the warmth and abundance...make me missing the feeling of home.

And I... now I wish to have someone, someone that stands by me, that knows my goodness, that looks forward to spend his life with me, that can just lie down and watch a movie with me.

And I would like to have a job that I enjoy. And to settle down, at the same time has access to the diversity.. and nature.

Croatia Trip

Day 1: Split (Stay with Elena's airbnb)

Go to Cathedral of St. Domnius, Bell tower, Jupiter Temple, Diocletian's palace, green market, had dinner in Tinel (Had langoustine). Bought some lavender oil and bag.

Day 2: Join Greyline tour to Plitvice Lake National Park. Had lunch in Bistro Vila Velebita (Had suckling pig). Had dinner in Konoba Matejuska (Had cuttlefish black risotto and grilled shark with super good white wine)

Day 3: Took Krilo Catamaran to Hvar Town. Arrived around 8.45pm. Stay in Casablanca airbnb with Zorica. Went to Konica pastry shop for coffee and tiramisu. Walk up to the fortress for superb view. Lunch at a restaurant at St.stephen's square (Had Prawn Gnocchi) Walk to the beach on the west side. Had dinner at Konoba Menego. Went home. Head out for Kiva Bar.

Day 4: Join blue cave tour with a tour company next to Hvar Adventure. Went to blue cave, then Komiza for lunch break, Green cave, Stiniva, an unnamed island with turkey, chicken and donkey! Palmizana for sandy beach break

Day 5: Ferry to Dubrovnik. Check in Airbnb. Walk around the walled city. Had pizza at Pizzeria Oliva. Walked the whole round of the old wall. Had dinner at Nishta.

Day 6: Join Adriatic explore tour to Mostar. Come back had dinner at Nishta again.

American Wilds - Deep Woods

This sound calms me down so much. And it reminds me of Canadian forest especially. Those with big tall ancient trees. Crystal clear spring water.
Whitehorse....
Or New Zealand...
That's where I want to be, where I want to settle down...

3 months passed and here I am in an English country house reflecting on my new life in Glasgow. 

With all the deliberately or unintentionally alienation from familiarity... which pretty much means Asian, and with a secret hope to turn back time to enjoy my student life in an ang moh country. I see myself trying to blend in at the same time carelessly "fallen".
No more spiritual me I thought.
But what is it that I really want and lack in life? Why can't I be spiritual anymore, if spiritual is how you face your world? If meditation is having awareness when you clean your toilet?
It is at most the pressure to drink alcohol.  Other than that there's nothing immoral here.
Don't blame a busy student life as non-spiritual.... right?
Maybe the screw up sleeping time....
Shouldn't stop you from meditating either. 
When swami nitya ask us to share why we are here, I said that I need to reconnect to the spiritual side. To make sure it is not just external but internal expecially when I am in an environment like Glasgow and academic. 
In a way I enjoy being pushed out of the comfort zone to critically write my paper, to finally make up before a night out, to have the first free beer from stranger (maybe free lemonade next time) I do dream about wanton mee..I am yet to figure out how to feel nourished.
I do freak out during meditation as if I am not living my life. What i am doing here instead of studying TCM... But swami nitya reassure me that it's necessary because she don't encourage people teach yoga as a living and she can see me combining physio and yoga. (Don't know what she would say of I mentioned that I consider TCM or shiatsu?...)
I feel that she might be too gentle with me but it's a good mental booster.  :)
Very nice of her to invite me to her place too.
Anyway I see that there can be no conflict between my life in Glasgow and continuing to meditate, to progress spiritually. I probably still need to find a supportive community of some sort- buddhism or yoga but I should at least keep on doing my own practice for now.
With my new age and being surrounded by great women one day after my birthday I am also inspired to become a stronger and more impactful woman. Sabina is my new idol!
I don't have to wear a mala around me to be spiritual and I hope that I can still be me... With nothing to hide. Hope people will understand. If a spiritual image of me is something for ego, it should't hurt me for now.
I just need to find someone or some place inspiring, and find a good cause to work for.
When I mentioned that physiotherapy we just learn about muscle and bones itself she say that "it has no soul" she also feels that my anger comes from frustration with the new environment... so if it resolved and I can see why I am here it will be better.

My dream is to be retired in the himalayas. Or earlier than that. :)

What if we can live everyday like we have come back to revisit the past. And we can take away the worries for future and make our day sweeter. 

I sorta of suspect... that's what people with clairvoyance do?...