3 months passed and here I am in an English country house reflecting on my new life in Glasgow.
With all the deliberately or unintentionally alienation from familiarity... which pretty much means Asian, and with a secret hope to turn back time to enjoy my student life in an ang moh country. I see myself trying to blend in at the same time carelessly "fallen".
No more spiritual me I thought.
But what is it that I really want and lack in life? Why can't I be spiritual anymore, if spiritual is how you face your world? If meditation is having awareness when you clean your toilet?
It is at most the pressure to drink alcohol. Other than that there's nothing immoral here.
Don't blame a busy student life as non-spiritual.... right?
Maybe the screw up sleeping time....
Shouldn't stop you from meditating either.
When swami nitya ask us to share why we are here, I said that I need to reconnect to the spiritual side. To make sure it is not just external but internal expecially when I am in an environment like Glasgow and academic.
In a way I enjoy being pushed out of the comfort zone to critically write my paper, to finally make up before a night out, to have the first free beer from stranger (maybe free lemonade next time) I do dream about wanton mee..I am yet to figure out how to feel nourished.
I do freak out during meditation as if I am not living my life. What i am doing here instead of studying TCM... But swami nitya reassure me that it's necessary because she don't encourage people teach yoga as a living and she can see me combining physio and yoga. (Don't know what she would say of I mentioned that I consider TCM or shiatsu?...)
I feel that she might be too gentle with me but it's a good mental booster. :)
Very nice of her to invite me to her place too.
Anyway I see that there can be no conflict between my life in Glasgow and continuing to meditate, to progress spiritually. I probably still need to find a supportive community of some sort- buddhism or yoga but I should at least keep on doing my own practice for now.
With my new age and being surrounded by great women one day after my birthday I am also inspired to become a stronger and more impactful woman. Sabina is my new idol!
I don't have to wear a mala around me to be spiritual and I hope that I can still be me... With nothing to hide. Hope people will understand. If a spiritual image of me is something for ego, it should't hurt me for now.
I just need to find someone or some place inspiring, and find a good cause to work for.
When I mentioned that physiotherapy we just learn about muscle and bones itself she say that "it has no soul" she also feels that my anger comes from frustration with the new environment... so if it resolved and I can see why I am here it will be better.
