American Wilds - Deep Woods

This sound calms me down so much. And it reminds me of Canadian forest especially. Those with big tall ancient trees. Crystal clear spring water.
Whitehorse....
Or New Zealand...
That's where I want to be, where I want to settle down...

3 months passed and here I am in an English country house reflecting on my new life in Glasgow. 

With all the deliberately or unintentionally alienation from familiarity... which pretty much means Asian, and with a secret hope to turn back time to enjoy my student life in an ang moh country. I see myself trying to blend in at the same time carelessly "fallen".
No more spiritual me I thought.
But what is it that I really want and lack in life? Why can't I be spiritual anymore, if spiritual is how you face your world? If meditation is having awareness when you clean your toilet?
It is at most the pressure to drink alcohol.  Other than that there's nothing immoral here.
Don't blame a busy student life as non-spiritual.... right?
Maybe the screw up sleeping time....
Shouldn't stop you from meditating either. 
When swami nitya ask us to share why we are here, I said that I need to reconnect to the spiritual side. To make sure it is not just external but internal expecially when I am in an environment like Glasgow and academic. 
In a way I enjoy being pushed out of the comfort zone to critically write my paper, to finally make up before a night out, to have the first free beer from stranger (maybe free lemonade next time) I do dream about wanton mee..I am yet to figure out how to feel nourished.
I do freak out during meditation as if I am not living my life. What i am doing here instead of studying TCM... But swami nitya reassure me that it's necessary because she don't encourage people teach yoga as a living and she can see me combining physio and yoga. (Don't know what she would say of I mentioned that I consider TCM or shiatsu?...)
I feel that she might be too gentle with me but it's a good mental booster.  :)
Very nice of her to invite me to her place too.
Anyway I see that there can be no conflict between my life in Glasgow and continuing to meditate, to progress spiritually. I probably still need to find a supportive community of some sort- buddhism or yoga but I should at least keep on doing my own practice for now.
With my new age and being surrounded by great women one day after my birthday I am also inspired to become a stronger and more impactful woman. Sabina is my new idol!
I don't have to wear a mala around me to be spiritual and I hope that I can still be me... With nothing to hide. Hope people will understand. If a spiritual image of me is something for ego, it should't hurt me for now.
I just need to find someone or some place inspiring, and find a good cause to work for.
When I mentioned that physiotherapy we just learn about muscle and bones itself she say that "it has no soul" she also feels that my anger comes from frustration with the new environment... so if it resolved and I can see why I am here it will be better.

My dream is to be retired in the himalayas. Or earlier than that. :)

What if we can live everyday like we have come back to revisit the past. And we can take away the worries for future and make our day sweeter. 

I sorta of suspect... that's what people with clairvoyance do?...

It freaks me out when I feel that I might get bored of physio very soon.
Is boredom my biggest problem?
Is it a referred pain?
I am constantly avoiding boredom..
That's why I am here. Yet I am so uninterested.

My piriformis

I think I understand more about my butt pain more today.
I come to read  about a muscle that I have never heard of before this week called piriformis that stretch across from the tailbone to thigh bone.
And it causes sciatica, because the sciatic nerve is just right underneath it so if it is overly tensed or overworked it will certainly pinch on the nerve.
And the cause of it is a weak gluteal muscle, pronation of the foot, and tight adductor.

No wonder I feel pain to keep my legs together (lateral rotation) when I am doing cobra pose (which is a bit of hip extension i supposed)
And when I worked on my very weak locust pose (which is gluteal muscles strengthening to get hip extension), my butt pain gets better!
Because now that my gluteal muscles are stronger, the piriform doesn't have to compensate so much for them?
And all the exercise that relieve piriformis syndrome seems to be the yoga poses that work for me!
What~
It's just a bit of eureka moment but I am not 100% sure.
But it's definitely cool~ like I don't even know what is the name of my problem before this.
Now what I am reading in class finally has a very close relevance to my own pains and concerns.

on How to Survive & Thrive In Any New Environment

"...Find beauty in the unknown.

At the end of it all, learn to enjoy the scariness. Embrace feeling ungrounded and accept the nerves, anxiety, uncertainty, and, at times, resentment. Acknowledge the strength it took for you to enter this new environment and honor the risk. Find purpose in your transition. You're doing something amazing.

Treat your new environment as an opportunity to thrive in ways that you didn’t — or couldn’t — in your old job, town, or relationship. Don’t be afraid to take baby steps and find silly, unconventional, or plain weird ways to make your new environment your own. Before you know it, you'll call it "home." You won’t just survive; you will thrive."

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10713/how-to-survive-thrive-in-any-new-environment.html

I came to a situation that I don't really feel homesick. But my mind is replaying scenes during my undergrad in Canada. When I move into the student residence, it reminds me of Chestnut, it compares it with Loretto. When I meet strangers for the first time, it reminds me of all the happy times and sadness with my friends back then. I wanted to read a magazine like "Now magazine", I am trying to find a good roast duck in my new city, as good as the one in King's Noodle.

I am faced with the new and haunted by the old, I am overwhelmed with the new but consoled by the past. I feel like I want to refer to the previous experience but I find that things are different now, I can never go back. I should probably do it differently now. It's like trying to get used to new glasses when you are so used to the old ones.

I am not even sure if I want to start afresh here or just try to relive my memories.

I dread the awkwardness of meeting new people. I find it essential but meaningless at the same time, being uncertain about what it will leads to. I drop back to the comfort zone of talking to people I know whenever possible.
But isn't that something precious? Even if there is an awkward pause between conversation, even when you don't know anything about the stranger's country, even when you just go back to very very basic introduction of yourself. not fancy at all. Isn't that the only thing that can take away the specific persona mask that you are so used to wearing. Although it feels so ungrounding.
I realized that too much certainties in my old way of living that makes me feel bored. So why don't I just embrace it now.
This new, raw and tender ground zero.... before it is filled with a certain patterns of life again.
Even if nothing ever grows on it, even if it leads nowhere...

Finally I started tai chi class yesterday. In Glasgow. With other 15 Caucasians? And the teacher have to say excuse me to me when she translate what qi gong means lol.

It is alll about energy omg.
Can you feel the qi tangible? 
I like it when the teacher show us what we will learn in 10 weeks.
There's something touching.