"...Find beauty in the unknown.
At the end of it all, learn to enjoy the scariness. Embrace feeling ungrounded and accept the nerves, anxiety, uncertainty, and, at times, resentment. Acknowledge the strength it took for you to enter this new environment and honor the risk. Find purpose in your transition. You're doing something amazing.
Treat your new environment as an opportunity to thrive in ways that you didn’t — or couldn’t — in your old job, town, or relationship. Don’t be afraid to take baby steps and find silly, unconventional, or plain weird ways to make your new environment your own. Before you know it, you'll call it "home." You won’t just survive; you will thrive."
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10713/how-to-survive-thrive-in-any-new-environment.htmlI came to a situation that I don't really feel homesick. But my mind is replaying scenes during my undergrad in Canada. When I move into the student residence, it reminds me of Chestnut, it compares it with Loretto. When I meet strangers for the first time, it reminds me of all the happy times and sadness with my friends back then. I wanted to read a magazine like "Now magazine", I am trying to find a good roast duck in my new city, as good as the one in King's Noodle.
I am faced with the new and haunted by the old, I am overwhelmed with the new but consoled by the past. I feel like I want to refer to the previous experience but I find that things are different now, I can never go back. I should probably do it differently now. It's like trying to get used to new glasses when you are so used to the old ones.
I am not even sure if I want to start afresh here or just try to relive my memories.
I dread the awkwardness of meeting new people. I find it essential but meaningless at the same time, being uncertain about what it will leads to. I drop back to the comfort zone of talking to people I know whenever possible.
But isn't that something precious? Even if there is an awkward pause between conversation, even when you don't know anything about the stranger's country, even when you just go back to very very basic introduction of yourself. not fancy at all. Isn't that the only thing that can take away the specific persona mask that you are so used to wearing. Although it feels so ungrounding.
I realized that too much certainties in my old way of living that makes me feel bored. So why don't I just embrace it now.
This new, raw and tender ground zero.... before it is filled with a certain patterns of life again.
Even if nothing ever grows on it, even if it leads nowhere...
